


My Spirk One-Shot Collection, Part 6

by IvanW



Series: Ivan's One-Shot Collection [6]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Meetings, Amok Time Reboot, Angst, Bisexuality, Cookies, Federation, Gay, Getting Together, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Ivan's One Shot Collection, Love, M/M, Mirror Universe, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pansexual, Parents, Romance, Sexual Content, Starfleet, Starfleet Academy, Tarsus Implications, multiple scenarios, old married spirk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 17:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 18,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16728003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: This is my newest collection of one-shot Kirk/Spock stories. All Kirk/Spock.





	1. Illogical Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got a request for this, after the happenings of Amok Time, and I decided to do it AOS, because, well, that’s what I do.

Spock walked into his quarters and stopped in the middle, unsure what to do. He was shaking still. He was so certain he had killed Jim. That this was the end for him. For them.

He would never recover.

Never mind his career, that was unimportant to killing…his captain.

This was much closer to killing Jim then when he had been choking him on the bridge during Nero.

In fact, he had killed Jim. He had. He would have. Jim would be dead. If not for McCoy’s neural paralyzer—

The madness that overtaken him. He had been so certain he would not have to go through this. He was only half Vulcan. Had had it drilled in to him so many times that he wasn’t considered Vulcan enough by his peers. His father—

Well, his father had expressed disappointment in him until the death of his mother.

Spock hadn’t believed T’Pring had survived the destruction of Vulcan, but she had. He’d learned that a year after. She hadn’t been on Vulcan at the time of the destruction. And even then, Spock had assumed she had the preliminary betrothal link they’d been given as children severed. She had always promised she would.

But then the madness came, and he knew then, T’Pring hadn’t severed their link. He’d turned from Nyota to bond with T’Pring, the one chosen for him. While his intention had never been to hurt Nyota, he had no choice but to do his duty. Her tears had not affected him much, as the fever had already started. He had not spoken to Nyota since he’d felt the Plak Tow. And he did not wish to see her or speak with her now.

He thought only of Jim.

Jim.

Who had just been smiling, brightly, and with all the forgiveness Spock surely did not deserve. Grinning and proving to Spock that he was very much alive and so beautiful Spock’s heart hurt.

T’Pring. Why had she so cruelly chosen to jeopardize Jim’s life instead of just ending things between them before it ever reached this point? She cared not at all for Jim, who as a human, would have died at Spock’s hands.

Spock would have forever mourned the fact he had murdered his own friend. Never mind Spock’s romantic feelings for Jim, he was his friend, and T’Pring knew he would have killed Jim.

He could no longer deny to anyone, especially himself, his true feelings for Jim.

Spock glanced toward their shared bathroom. Jim was not presently in his quarters. Spock knew this because he was always hyper aware of Jim’s movements there. He heard nothing from that direction now.

Besides, he’d heard Jim make plans to see the doctor later. Something about a drink together. How they deserved it after everything they’d been through.

Jim should not be with McCoy. He should be with Spock. Where he belonged.

_Mine._

Jim was not his. Should never be. Spock was so ashamed.

Before he could even think to stop himself, Spock walked into their shared bathroom, straight through it, and into Jim’s quarters.

He paused just inside, almost in the doorway of the bathroom. He had never invaded this space without Jim present.

Spock turned to go back the way he’d come when he spotted Jim’s shirt lying on the end of his bed. His heart rate picked up dramatically as he realized which shirt it was.

The one.

Jim had been wearing this one when—

Spock’s breath hitched, and he walked over to Jim’s bed.

_Jim’s bed._

He might never have slept here again. Because Spock would have-would have—

Spock picked up the ruined shirt. The slashes across Jim’s chest were stained with blood. The blood of…

Spock clenched his eyes shut and turned toward his own quarters, the shirt still held in his hands. He walked through their shared bathroom and to his own quarters.

The blood. The slashes. The lirpa wounds.

What pain Jim must have felt.

Because of him.

He rubbed his thumb on the dried blood. It made him so ashamed and angry. Not at Jim, never. But at T’Pring. At himself. At those Vulcans who just planned on letting him kill his friend and captain.

Spock turned in anger to his laundry program. He could not stand for one more moment to see Jim’s blood there. Blood  _he_  spilled.

It made him want to resign his commission and put himself in for court martial all over again.

When the shirt came out clean, Spock pressed it to his face once more.

“Jim,” he whispered. Though it was illogical since he had just washed it, Spock was certain he could smell Jim on the material. There was no longer a trace of blood, but the slashes of the lirpa were still there. Still the evidence of what he’d done.

Tears pricked his eyes and he shoved his face into the shirt.

“Hey, Spock, sorry to cut through the bathroom, but I—”

Spock raised his head quickly to see the object of his affection, of his everything, standing in his quarters, staring at Spock in utter shock. His mouth hung open, his blue eyes were wide and so-so blue.

“Spock, are you okay? What are you doing?”

“Your-your shirt…”

Jim moved from by the bathroom over to where Spock stood holding on to his shirt for dear life. “I’m okay, Spock. I’m right here.”

“But…the cuts.”

Jim searched his gaze, his eyes crinkling as he smiled gently. He pried the shirt from Spock’s hands, who let loose only reluctantly.

“Did you remove the blood?”

Spock nodded, mutely.

Jim pulled off his command tunic and the undershirt under it, then to Spock’s surprise, pulled the ruined shirt on, pulling it down over his chest. “See? No more cuts or blood.”

Spock stared at his chest through the slashes. He could see scars. He had  _scarred_ him. He swallowed heavily. “The scars—”

“Oh. Well. Bones could have gotten rid of those or at least made them a little less prominent, but I…you would think I’m kind of weird.” Jim laughed, and Spock loved his laugh. So much. “Weirder.”

Spock breathed out. “You-you should laugh more. It is precious.”

Jim frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am…ashamed.”

“Spock—”

“Jim.” Spock could not hold himself back any longer. He needed to touch Jim. He realized how many times they had just touched, like it was natural, normal. And it was between them.

He seized hold of that shirt he had ruined and used it to pull Jim closer. His gaze strayed toward Jim’s nipples, plainly visible through the slashes in the shirt, something he had seen before, yes, Jim ruined his shirt often, though this was the first time Spock had been the cause, but he had never dared even look too long at them. He did now.

Before he could stop himself, he moved his hand to Jim’s chest. He swiped his thumb through the cut shirt and across the left one. Jim sucked in a breath.

His gaze met Jim’s. “You were saying about the scars?”

Jim shook his head, his Adam’s apple sliding down his throat. “Just…when we-we were sparring, you were lying on top of me and I just…I could feel you.” Jim’s face reddened. “All of you. I’ve-I’ve imagined it so many times, not like that, no, but, you and I, you on me like that, and I just never wanted to forget that feeling. Not that scars—”

“Jim.” Spock bent toward Jim’s chest, flicking his tongue out at the nipple he’d just swiped with his thumb.

“Spock?”

He sucked on first one and then the other of Jim’s nipples, as his captain fell into his arms, sagging against him. He lifted Jim into his arms then and turned toward his bed. He planned on showing Jim just how precious he really was.

To Spock. Especially to Spock.

“Mine.”


	2. Cookie Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock meet over cookies

“Excuse me but you are the hottest guy here.” Jim scooted up next to the Vulcan who sat by himself at the bar.

Jim had been surprised to see the Vulcan at this event. It was supposed to be a holiday cookie exchange party. Everyone was supposed to bring a dozen cookies and then choose someone to exchange them with. It wasn’t really Jim’s scene, but he had nothing else to do and everyone he normally hung out with had other stuff to do.

And yeah, he’d cheated by  _buying_  cookies at a bakery.

“My temperature is not particularly elevated,” the Vulcan said.

Jim sat on the stool next to him. “And funny too.” He smiled. “Jim Kirk.”

The Vulcan merely stared at him.

Jim’s smile widened. “Now, see the way it works, is I say, Hi, I’m Jim Kirk.” He put his hand toward Spock’s. “And you say, hi, I’m…”

Nothing.

Jim grabbed Spock’s hand and pressed his to it.

The Vulcan blinked but he did not move his hand away, so Jim considered that a win.

“Vulcan hands are—”

“I know.” Jim winked. “Jim Kirk.”

“Spock.”

“Success! I thought I was going to have to beg. Not that I wouldn’t have or anything. Are you alone?”

“You are with me.”

“Good answer. You bet I am. Want to exchange…cookies?”

Spock arched a brow, which was really damn sexy, actually. “I brought gingerbread cookies.”

“I brought spritz cookies. Decorated with red and green sprinkles.”

“Very simple cookies.”

“I know, but the truth is I don’t actually bake. I bought the cookies.” Jim gave him what he thought was a charming sheepish grin. “It’s terrible, I know, but it was all last minute. I didn’t even know this was going on until I happened to walk past a sign. See, I’m all alone this weekend. No friends. No one.” He stared into Spock’s dark eyes. “Is your apartment close?”

“You are quite bold.”

Jim didn’t think he imagined the green tint to Spock’s cheeks.

“I told you, you’re super-hot. Insanely. I didn’t have any idea you’d be here. I’d have stepped up my game if I knew but—”

“I did not come here with the idea of engaging in copulation.”

“Oh my God, I might have just creamed my pants.”

“Mister Kirk—”

“It’s Jim. Or just Kirk, if you really have to.”

“The point is, my mother wanted to come here tonight and—”

“Wait. I thought you said you were alone.”

“I said that you were with me.”

Jim frowned. Yeah, okay, Spock never said he was alone. And now, shit, Spock wasn’t interested. Obviously. Whether because his mother was there or because he…he just wasn’t interested.

It was hard to hide his disappointment, but he forced himself to smile. “Oh. Well. Yeah, that’s true. I’m sorry to have—”

“Spock?”

Jim turned as a really pretty dark-haired human woman wearing a flowered scarf around her head approached them. 

“Ma’am.”

She smiled at Jim. “I’m Spock’s mother, Amanda.”

“Jim Kirk.”

“How lovely to meet you, Jim. Are you exchanging cookies with Spock?”

“Well. I hoped to. But I think Spock—”

“Yes, we are,” Spock spoke up.

Jim glanced at Spock in surprise.

“In fact, if you and your friend no longer need me, Jim and I thought we would have our cookies elsewhere.”

“Oh.” Her eyes sparkled. “Well, yes, of course, Spock. Andi and I aren’t quite ready to leave yet, we’re still tasting cookies, but if you’d like to go with Jim, that’s fine.”

Spock nodded.

Amanda looked at Jim. “Your cookies must have been quite delicious to convince my son so quickly.”

Jim coughed. “Yes. Um. Yes, ma’am.”

“Anyway, I’ll see you later, Spock. Andi is waving me over. She’s holding a plate of shortbread.”

Jim watched her walk away and he turned back to Spock. “You don’t have to—”

Spock slid off his stool. “In answer to your question, Mister Kirk, my apartment is close.”

“Oh.” Jim licked his dry lips. “Oh.”

Spock grabbed his arm and turned him toward the exit.

“Wait. What about our cookies?”

“I do not like spritz cookies.” Spock pushed open the door.

“Oh, thank God, because I hate gingerbread.” Jim hurried after him.


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A holiday spent on New Vulcan

It was silly to care, I knew that.

Spock didn’t. It was just another day to him. Probably always had been. And he only indulged his illogical mate over the years.

I got it. I did.

But still, I stood looking out the window of our house on New Vulcan. For what? I didn’t know. Normally, we might have been in Riverside this time of year, but because of Spock’s ambassadorial duties, this year we were on New Vulcan.

Except that Spock had been called away and here I was alone.

Waiting for my husband to come home.

How pathetic.

I turned away from the window with a sigh and looked out over our house. I’d put up a small tree. Even decorated it. By myself. I felt more than a little foolish to have bothered.

“Computer stop Christmas music playlist.”

The strains of holiday music abruptly ceased. I eyed my gingerbread flavored tea dispassionately and picked up the cup and poured it out into the sink.

“Time to grow up, Jim,” I told myself out loud.

I was never going to be able to recreate happy holiday times that just never existed.

The first year Spock and I had been a couple, I had mentioned Christmas.

His face had gone quite blank.

“Didn’t you ever, I don’t know, celebrate some kind of holiday with Uhura?” And it had been hard to even say that, because I was still a little sensitive about the whole Spock and Uhura were a couple for so long crap.

“Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences.”

I had shrunk back then from the embrace we’d been in, feeling as though I had been slapped. I turned away, desperate to hide the hurt I was certain showed.

“Jim, that is not what I meant. That came out wrong,” Spock insisted.

“Sure. I have to get back to the bridge.”

“Jim—”

And it had been better later. We’d had a small celebration, which I had been expanding on or at least trying to maintain ever since.

Now, back in the present, I sighed with regret and figured I might as well just take everything down and put it away. For good this time. It seemed ridiculous now that I’d brought everything with me to New Vulcan.

A week ago when Sarek had stopped by to see if I needed anything while Spock was away, I’d seen the barest hint of disapproval in his eyes at my Christmas decorations. He hid it well, but I’d seen it.

Sometimes I felt as though I had been the one doing all the compromising. I knew that wasn’t fair, I did. But I was sad and lonely and depressed at that moment and all I could see was everything negative.

I grabbed a plastic box and took it over to the tree to begin to remove the ornaments. The first one I removed was a tiny little replica of Vulcan Prime. I’d found it in a little Alpine Christmas shop on Earth in Germany. I’d been kind of thrilled at the time at my find but of course when I’d shown my purchase to Spock he’d made some dismissive comment about how a tiny little ornament could never really represent his planet.

I should have thrown it away then, I thought, as I took it down and put it in the box.

_Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences._

“Yeah, well fuck you,” I said out loud. “And her too. I’m not fucking Nyota.”

“For which I am grateful.”

I dropped the ornament I held, a squirrel holding an acorn, and turned in shock to see my husband standing just inside our house, wearing a black cloak and a turtle neck sweater in a blue that matched my eyes. I know, he’d told me he’d picked it out for that very reason.

“Spock!”

He inclined his head. “What are you doing, ashayam?”

“Uh.” I set the box down and hurried over to him. “Never mind that. You’re home!” I threw my arms around him and he pulled me close, nosing into my hair by my ear. A thrill shot through me. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until next month.”

“I was able to finish earlier than anticipated,” Spock said, his arms holding my very close indeed. “I thought my presence would be welcome for your holiday celebration.”

“It is. Very much so.” I pulled back to kiss him full on the lips.

Spock grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the tree. “What are you doing?” he asked again.

I swallowed heavily. “Well. I, um. I was putting it all away.”

Spock looked down into the box and reached down to pull out the replica of Vulcan Prime. His gaze rose to mine. And I couldn’t hold it. I looked away, not wanting him to read me just then.

“Jim,” he said softly. “We can celebrate Christmas every day if that is what you wish.”

I laughed and turned red. “That’s not what I want. It’s not very special if it’s every day.”

His fingers touched my chin and forced me to meet his gaze. “I love you. Beyond all ordinary meaning of such simple words. I would give up all and anything to make you happy.”

My tears pricked and stung my eyes. “I don’t want you to give up who you are or anything else. I just—”

“I know.” Spock drew me close again, still holding the ornament at the same time. “I made it back here today to be with you, as I knew you would want. I know you, ashayam. Better than I know myself at times. I never want you to change. You are my beautiful mate.”

“Spock,” I whispered into his neck.

He reached past me to put the ornament back on the tree. “Come. Let’s have some of that gingerbread tea you love so much.”

I smiled. “Yeah?”

“Indeed. And perhaps we can even replicate cookies.”

“Now you’re talking!” I laughed and pulled him toward the kitchen. And my heart was light. Spock was home.

 


	4. Stuck With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A disastrous Mission brings about a major change

“We cannae beam you up at this moment, Commander.”

Spock closed his eyes briefly, then opened them and tried to focus. “The captain is severely injured, Mr. Scott. Without emergency treatment, he will likely not survive.”

“Spock.”

The hoarse, pained whisper had him flinching, but he did not look in the captain’s direction.

“Mr. Spock, if I even attempted it, your particles would break up in space. We’re working on it as fast as we can,” Scott replied, sounding as though he might cry.

“Understood. Contact me as soon as you have news. Spock out.”

He closed his communicator and glanced toward Jim, who lay bleeding against the wall of the cave Spock had carried his injured body to earlier. Outside, snow fell on this particular nightmare of a planet. He’d bundled the captain up as best he could, but he could see Jim shaking and his teeth chattering.

“Spock, just take these blankets and wrap yourself up in them so when you’re rescued, you’ll be okay,” Jim said, his voice a weak whisper.

“You need them, Captain. You are freezing.”

“I’m gonna die, Spock.”

“No.” He spoke too sharply. He knew that. When they were back on the Enterprise and Jim was all right, then he could reprimand Spock. “You will not die.”

“You heard Scotty. He can’t get me on the ship.”

“They will get you on the ship and Dr. McCoy will give you the necessary treatment and you will be all right,” Spock insisted.

Spock knelt down next to Jim, who visibly shivered. His eyes were dim and pain-filled.

“Spock, please, just take the blankets and stuff and stay warm.”

“No.”

“That’s an order.”

“Court-martial me when we return to the Enterprise.”

Jim closed his eyes.

“Jim!”

He shook his head slightly. “I’m here. I haven’t left yet.”

“And you will not.” Spock reached for Jim’s hand, it was so cold, it was like he was holding a hand made from ice. Spock began to feel despondent. This could not be how it ended. No. “I will add my body heat to yours.”

Jim just looked at him now and didn’t even protest which worried him even more. He placed himself next to Jim on the cave floor, gathered him close and then wrapped the emergency blankets around the two of them.

“I think I should tell you something,” Spock said then.

Jim did not respond, he just sagged against Spock. Breathing, though barely. Spock was beginning to panic.

“I intended to discuss this with you at a more convenient time, but—”

“There may not be any more time,” Jim rasped out.

Spock would not say that. Could not. And he refused to even think that. “I have felt this way for many months. Perhaps longer. When we first began our romantic relationship, I should have told you then, but I held back for fear…it does not matter. I love you, Jim. And I want you as my bondmate.”

Jim looked at his through pain-filled eyes. “Bondmate?”

“Yes. In fact, I would bond with you right now.”

“Spock—”

Spock knew he was taking a big risk, but he was desperate. He could not, would not lose Jim.

He put his hand on Jim’s cold face. So cold. Too cold. He spread his fingers out.

“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. Parted and never parted. Together and always.”

He was in Jim’s mind. Even as he entered, he felt the dimness, the weakening. Jim was fading. Everything that was Jim was dying. Going. Spock was nearly too late.

_Jim. Come to me._

Nothing.

_T’hy’la, come._

Again nothing. Jim’s consciousness faded more. Spock focused.

_James. Reach for my hand._

In Spock’s mind he created an image of himself and an image of Jim. They both wore their uniforms, though Jim’s shirt was ripped and torn, covered in way too much blood. He held his hand out toward Jim.

Jim’s gaze flicked to Spock’s face and then down to his hand.

_Yes, ashayam. Take it. Bond with me._

Jim took a step forward, then looked down at the blood on his shirt then back up at Spock. He extended his hand again toward Jim.

_Choose me._

Jim stumbled forward, his hand reaching out and Spock took a step closer to him, seizing hold of his hand, closing his fingers into Jim’s, and tugging him close. In his mind, Spock put his hand on Jim’s face, as he was doing in the cave.

“We are one, always. This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul.”

Jim’s eyes widened slightly.

“Heal, my Jim.”

Jim sagged against him and collapsed in Spock’s arms.

****

“How did you get him into the healing trance?” McCoy asked Spock much later as Jim lay on the biobed in the medbay. Jim was still much paler than Spock would have liked, but the doctor assured Spock Jim would be all right.

Spock hesitated. “It is something that Vulcans and their mates can do.”

McCoy looked at Spock. Frowned. “Mates? What sort of mates?”

“Bondmates.”

“What? When? Spock—”

“Hey, no yelling.”

Spock immediately turned to Jim, whose eyes were open staring openly at him and the doctor. “Jim!”

McCoy immediately began to scan their captain.

Jim looked past the doctor to Spock. He smiled. “Hey you.”

Spock could not speak, he just looked into Jim’s beautiful blue eyes, full of life.

McCoy frowned. “How do you feel?”

“Good. Thanks to you, Bones. And to Spock.”

“Yeah, listen, Spock said something about mates and I—

“Yeah.” Jim smiled. “Spock’s my husband now. You’d better be nice.” Then he laughed softly.

McCoy rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right back. Married, God help me.”

Spock scooted closer and grabbed Jim’s hand. His warm hand. So warm. “Ashayam.”

“Spock, I love you. And I’m pretty sure you knew that long before I told you, but are you sure about this?”

“Very.”

“Yeah? Because, aren’t you stuck with me now?” He smiled, but it was a little hesitant.

“Negative.”

“You’re not?”

Spock squeezed his hand. “I am afraid you are stuck with me.”


	5. Mirror Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This pair is the Mirror Spock and Mirror Kirk from several chapters of Going Boldly enjoying their holiday, mirror verse style of course

Jim turned from his terminal just as Spock stepped inside his quarters.

“You did not attend the holiday party.”

He shrugged. “I got busy. Was comming with Mom for a long time.”

“The holiday party you had a part in organizing.” Spock sat on the edge of the desk. “Is there a problem with your mother?”

“No. Just the holiday stuff. She’s on Deneva with my brother and his family.”

“Your brother?” Spock arched a brow. “You do not mention him. Is he someone with whom you do not keep in touch?”

Jim smiled. “You could say that. He left home when I was a kid. That changed my life forever and not for the good. He can rot for all I care.”

Spock just stared at him, his brown eyes becoming more intense. “Is he someone I will need to take care of?”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “Take care of?” He frowned, then shook his head. “No, Spock. You cannot dispatch all my enemies.”

“I can, ashayam,” Spock assured him. “To do so would be my greatest honor. Name the location of your tormenters and they will cease to exist.”

“Er, yeah. Sam’s just a dick, he’s not a tormenter. Not anymore.”

“Past tormentor—”

“Spock, no. I thought you’d be at the party longer. With Uhura.”

“Nyota is still there enjoying herself.”

“I hope you didn’t leave the party to check on me, Spock. It’s not necessary.”

“You are my t’hy’la. My place is by your side.”

“If you were enjoying yourself—” Jim stopped and laughed. “Oh. Sorry. I forgot Vulcans don’t enjoy.”

“Not without their mates.” Spock fingered his beard as he looked at Jim. “There is still so much you hold back from me, Adun.”

“Spock.” He shook his head.

“I know you have your reasons for keeping so many things secret. You are very powerful, for one who is psi-null, in blocking large portions of your thoughts and memories.” Spock reached for Jim’s hand and held on to it. “You still do not trust that I am no threat to you. I worship you. My devotion to you is absolute, ashayam.”

Jim looked down at their entwined hands. “Do you remember when you went to the other universe after the other Jim?”

Spock frowned. “I thought you no longer thought about that time. That you had forgiven me my trespasses.”

“I have forgiven you,” Jim agreed, his gaze rising to Spock. “But no longer think about it? That is not possible.”

“Jim.” The Vulcan fidgeted, looking suddenly quite vulnerable.

“I love you,” he assured Spock.  He brought Spock’s hand to his lips and kissed the fingers there, earning him a shiver. “I do. I think I did even before you betrayed me by going after the other Jim Kirk.”

“I was a fool. I loved  _you,_  but you seemed completely unattainable.”

“I was then,” Jim admitted. “I wanted nothing to do with you or anyone. I was convinced you would murder me given the chance.”

“Perhaps then I would have. I would give my life a hundred times over for you. You are my life.”

Jim smiled and kissed Spock’s hand once more. “You are my holiday miracle.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “We did not get together during the holidays.”

Jim laughed. “I know, babe. The thing is, when you left our universe to go find some pale, ridiculous imitation of me—”

“He was not ridiculous. He was precious and did not—”

“Watch yourself, Vulcan.” His eyes narrowed.

“He can never compare to you, my Adun.”

“I was…furious. Hurt. Betrayed. And I wanted you dead.”

“James—”

Jim got up from his desk chair and straddled Spock’s legs, putting his arms around his Vulcan. “Not anymore, babe. Not anymore.”

Spock kissed him, deep and hard and hungry. “I will destroy anyone that comes near you.”

“I just…I trust you. I wouldn’t be here with you, if I didn’t. But you’re the only one I trust. Probably the only one I can ever trust. And I hope that you really do love me.”

“Beyond belief,” Spock whispered. He pulled Jim close, burying his face in Jim’s chest. “That you even give me the time of day—”

“Shh. No talk like that. It’s the holidays. Why don’t we both quit working and have some fun?”

Spock leaned back to meet his gaze. “You want to go to the party?”

“Do I look crazy? Don’t answer that. I avoided that revelry on purpose. You know that. I could have spoken to Mom another time. Parties give me the—”

“Willies. Yes, I am aware of your odd Terran phrases.” Spock pulled him closer. “And I know why. I will dispatch—”

“Spock.” Jim gave him a look. “By fun, I meant take me to bed and fuck me over and over until I can’t stand up and I can’t sit in the captain’s chair tomorrow.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “That does not seem particularly unusual.”

Jim smacked him upside the head. “Don’t be smug, Vulcan.”

“That should be ‘don’t be smug, husband.”

“Don’t be smug, Vulcan husband. Satisfied?”

Spock straightened, scooped him up and carried him toward their bed. “No, but I will see that we both are.”

“Did I give you permission to carry me?”

“Negative, my worshipped one.”

Jim sighed as Spock carefully placed him on the bed. “I shall have to punish you later.”

Spock arched a brow. “I look forward to any punishment you can dole out, my T’hy’la.”

“Yes,  _I_ am  _your_  T’hy’la and don’t you fucking forget it.” He leaned up, so Spock could finish removing his clothes. “Show me. Show me how much you love and want me.”

“I will show you repeatedly.”

Jim smirked. “Merry Christmas. Come.” He dragged Spock to him. “I want to unwrap my present.”


	6. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winona Kirk is bringing her son home from Tarsus IV

“We don’t have time for this,” Frank growled.

Winona ignored him as her gaze surveyed the space station for her son. Where he’d gone to, she didn’t know. She had just gone to the bathroom and had left Frank there to keep an eye on him. Obviously she couldn’t trust him to do anything right.

“The shuttle leaves in less than ten minutes,” the man next to her whined.

She had grown to hate him. What she had ever seen in him, she no longer knew. It was thanks in large part to him that she’d nearly lost two sons. Sam was gone. She didn’t know where to find him. Had just walked off one day, Frank told her. Jim confirmed it.  

And then Frank had sent Jim away.

To that hell hole.

Yes, she hated him.

But she hated herself more. This was really her fault, wasn’t it? If George had lived he would be so disgusted with her. But of course—

“Wi, the shuttle.”

God, she had grown to hate that nickname. She turned on him. “Well, why did you let him out of your sight?”

“The little shit tricked me,” Frank protested. “Said he wanted something from the vending machine.” Frank looked sullen. “And  _you_  said to feed him whenever he was hungry because-because-”

“I know why.”

Overhead they announced final boarding for the shuttle.

“If we don’t go now we’re going to miss it! There’s not another shuttle back to Earth until tomorrow morning.”

“You get on the shuttle,” Winona said. “I’m not leaving here without my boy.”

“He could be anywhere. He might even be on another shuttle to somewhere else. Look—”

“Go, Frank,” she said, giving him a shove. “Get out of here. And when you get to Riverside, you can get your stuff out of my house.”

“Wi—”

“I’m done, Frank. I should have been done before you destroyed my family. Get on that shuttle and out of our lives for good!”

“Bitch,” he muttered as he turned and headed for the ramp that would take him onto the shuttle and back to Earth and away from her and her son for good. She only hoped it really would be that easy.

“Ma’am.”

She turned toward the guard she had reported Jim missing to earlier. “Did you find my son?”

He nodded. “I think so. Come this way.”

They rounded a corner and then she saw her boy. So skinny, like a skeleton, really, and she wanted to weep at the sight, but she had to be strong for him. For her son. He was only thirteen and so fragile right now.

Jim was not alone though. He sat on the floor of a waiting area, sitting in the corner next to a boy who looked a few years older than him and Vulcan, from the looks of it. They looked to be having a very intense conversation. Jim kept nodding at whatever the Vulcan boy said, but she was relieved to see that Jim didn’t look afraid.

“Is that him?” the guard asked.

“Yes. Yes, thank you.”

She hurried over. “Jimmy!” Jim flinched as he looked up at her, blue eyes wide behind his glasses. He shrank back against the Vulcan boy. Her heart clenched in her chest. She forced herself to relax and to smile. “There you are, honey.”

“Hi Mom.” He glanced at the boy with him, who stared at her with dark, intense eyes. “Mom, this is Spock. Spock, my mom.”

“Hello, Spock. It’s nice to meet you.”

Spock held up his hand in a Vulcan gesture she could not recall the name of but before he could do more than raise it, a human woman dashed up to them, and she was holding two drinks. She smiled at Winona.

“Hello there. I’m Amanda Grayson. Spock’s mother. You must be Jim’s mother.”

Winona nodded. She was surprised the Vulcan had a human mother. She had never met any Vulcan who seemed to be particularly tolerant of humans, yet she could see that Spock sat very close to Jim, and her son did not seem to mind.

“Jim got lost, I guess, looking for food and something to drink, so I thought I’d just leave him here with my son while I got them a drink. And some candy.” She held up candy bar. “Is Jim allowed to have this?”

“Oh,” Winona said faintly. “Yes. Yes, he can.”

“Wonderful.” Amanda handed the drink and candy to Jim and then handed a drink to the Vulcan boy. “I was intending to have them page you after I brought their drinks.” She lowered her voice. “It’s just…he seemed so hungry, you know and I thought–“

“Yes. Thank you. Come, Jim.”

He bit his lip. “Do I have to go?”

“Jim—”

Spock said something very softly to Jim that she couldn’t hear. But whatever it was, Jim nodded, and stood up, going over to Winona. Spock also stood.

“Where’s Frank?” Jim asked then, looking around.

Winona patted Jim’s arm, and then turned to the woman and her son. “Thank you so much for looking after him. What do I owe you for the drink and candy?”

“Oh, nothing. It was a small thing we could do. I’m glad you found your mama, Jim. Please stay safe. Come, Spock.”

Winona drew Jim away as the woman and her son departed. “Honey, Frank is gone.”

Jim frowned. “He left on the shuttle without you?”

“I told him to go,” she said fiercely. She hugged his small bones, tears springing to her eyes. “He’s never ever coming back.”

“He…isn’t?”

“No,” she whispered. “It’s just the two of us from now on, Jimmy. I promise. Nobody else. You’re going to be my priority.” She drew back and put her hand on his cheek. “We can’t go out of the space station until tomorrow. So we’ll get a room tonight. But in the meantime, are you hungry?”

Jim nodded, swallowing.

And of course he was hungry. It was a stupid question.

“We’re going to have a big dinner.” She held his hand, gently for his bones were fragile, and she turned to call out, as a thought occurred to her, “Amanda!”

Amanda Grayson and her son, Spock, stopped, and turned back toward them.

Winona smiled. “We have some time here. And Jimmy and I are going to have dinner at that restaurant down at the end near gate D. Would you like to join us?”

Spock turned that intense gaze on his mother, who smiled. “Yes, I think Spock and I would very much like to join you.”

Jim brightened instantly and he gave Winona a very tentative smile, but it was there, as he hurried to walk beside the Vulcan boy, who said nothing, but inclined his head in a way that seemed to please Jim, and they made their way to the restaurant.

“I’m Winona…Kirk.” She’d about to introduce herself with her married name with Frank, but then changed at the last minute. “And of course, you’ve met Jim.”

“Yes. And Spock is my son with my husband, Ambassador Sarek. We’re on our way back to Vulcan, but we don’t depart for a few hours ourselves.”

And she continued to chat as they walked along and Winona watched as Jim’s step was just a little lighter.     


	7. The Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim comes home from a long day at the office (OMS)

All Jim wanted to do was go home, get undressed, and soak in a tub full of bubbles for hours. Maybe days. He was beat. Exhausted beyond imagining.  How he was still walking, Jim didn’t know.

When he reached his building he stopped at the door and looked up. Half the time the lifts didn’t work and he had to take the stairs. He might just cry if that was the case today.

Jim pushed open the doors and stepped inside the dark, shadowy lobby area. He eyed the lift with a baleful eye, noting the sign that declared “Out of Order".

Dejected, no doubt unreasonably, Jim turned toward the stairwell. The door handle was covered in someone’s slobber or something. With a grimace, he wiped his hands on his pants and went up the first flight.

It became a near thing that he just gave up and sat down on the landing when he’d reached the third floor. But he trudged up to the fourth floor, holding onto the railing, breathing heavily.

At the fifth, he opened the door onto the corridor and walked down toward the opposite end of the hall to Number 512.

He waved his hand vaguely across the door and it clicked open, allowing him entry. He made it just the few feet to the sofa and sank down gratefully. He closed his eyes.

“Jim!”

His eyes flew open and he jumped. “What?”

Spock stood there staring down at him. He wore a long white robe that honestly resembled one of Jim’s own terry cloth bathrobes.

“When did you get home?”

“Just a moment ago.” Come to think of it, it might be one of his own robes. Whatever. Spock looked good. 

“You are wheezing.”

His lungs, damaged from one too many radiating missions, had decided he had asthma some months back. “Stairs.”

“You should have contacted me.”

Jim smiled slightly. “To do what? Climb on your back piggyback style while you race up the stairs?”

Spock sniffed. “Where is your inhaler?”

“Forgot it.”

Spock walked away. Jim watched him bemusedly. He returned a moment later holding out Jim’s inhaler.

“We need to move.”

Up went the eyebrow. “Again?”

‘Well.” He sucked in some air. “The lift never works.”

“It is close to headquarters and allows you to walk.”

He sucked in more air and then set it on the cushion next to him. “At least let’s think about it. God, I’m exhausted. I have to get up and start a bath.”

“Already started.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah?”

Spock nodded. “I have also poured you a glass of whiskey and have your favorite meat casserole in the oven.”

“Now if I can just move.”

Spock reached down and hauled him to his feet. But it was gently. Jim leaned against him anyway. Spock’s arms came around him.

“I believe it is time to talk to them about decreasing your hours, adun.”

“Hmm. Maybe.” He sighed. “Ugh. I’m so tired. Carry me.”

Suddenly everything shifted and he was uplifted into Spock’s arms.

“Spock! I was kidding!”

Spock carried him into the bathroom and started lowering him into the tub filled with hot sudsy water. In a manly scent, of course.

Jim laughed. “Spock! I was kidding. Put me down. I’m still wearing my clothes!”


	8. A Box of Candy

To say Jim was startled when he entered to see Spock already waiting there would be an understatement. It was true that he was a few minutes later than he’d said he’d be. He could chalk that up to Bones, who took ten minutes longer than usual to tell some story Jim had already heard before. It was a funny story though and with Bones latest embellishments, added for purely showing off purposes, it had amused Jim even more.

But he had told Spock they could play chess at 1900 hours and clearly Spock had taken him quite seriously.

It was unusual for Spock to access Jim’s quarters when Jim was not there though.

“Oh. Hi, Spock.”

“Hello, baby.”

Jim blinked. He could not have just heard what he thought he’d heard.

“Uh. Give me a moment, okay? I want to get out of this uniform.”

Jim pulled off his tunic and walked over to the laundry chute. He felt Spock’s gaze on him, and wondered at it. He shook his head and dropped his tunic into the chute. Then reached for the hem of his undershirt.

As he did so, his gaze fell on the open heart-shaped box of chocolates lying on his desk. At least half of the wrappers were empty.

Jim turned quickly to stare at Spock and almost ran into him, for he’d moved a lot closer.

“I can assist you with that,” Spock murmured.

“Spock, have you been eating those?”

Spock followed Jim’s gaze. “Indeed, I began to consume them an hour ago. I received them as a gift.”

Jim frowned. “From whom?”

He was not jealous. At all. Because he completely did not have a right. Spock could receive gifts from whomever and Jim had nothing to say about it.

Spock shrugged. “Anonymous.”

“Anonymous,” Jim repeated.

“I suspect that they are from Nyota, however.”

“Wouldn’t she have just put her name on it?”

“There was no name, but they are similar to chocolates she has presented me with in the past.”

“Oh.” Jim turned away and pulled off his undershirt. “I wasn’t aware you guys were, um, you know. Still exchanging gifts for you know, that stupid day.”

“You believe Valentine’s Day is stupid?”

“Pretty much.” Jim dropped his undershirt, so he bent over and picked it up. Spock’s hand landed on his butt. Jim froze. “Commander.”

“Yes, baby?”

Jim laughed, straightened and turned around. “Have you really eaten all those chocolates? I guess you have. Why would Uhura give you those of all people? I mean she has to know.”

Spock nodded. “She does. They are for courage.”

“Courage, huh? Take it from me, Spock, using intoxication for courage is never a good thing.” Jim stepped over to his wardrobe, took out his t-shirt, and pulled it on over his head. Then he went back to where Spock stood. “Baby, huh?”

Spock looked unexpectedly intense and sincere as he stared into Jim’s eyes. “I will use whatever your preferred endearment is.”

Jim smiled. “You don’t need endearments. You know why I keep inviting you over for chess?”

“To improve your obvious lack of finesse in playing?”

He laughed. “No. I don’t even really like it much. I used to play with Sam before he left and before I took up with you, I hadn’t played in years.”

“Then why—”

“To spend time with you,” Jim said, carefully. “ _Baby_.”

Spock straightened a little, but green had splashed across his cheeks. “I apologize for my earlier assault of your person.”

“My–”

“My accosting of your…derriere.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “It’s only assault if I object. And I don’t.”

“That is good to hear.” Spock made an odd sound between a burp and a choke.

“Uh.” Jim stepped back. “I think you might want to sit down, Spock, while I get you a trash can.”

“But I wish to—”

“Yeah, me too.  It’s going to have to wait, though, honey.”

Oh.” Spock’s eyes widened. “I like that better.”

Jim laughed again. “Sit down. I’ll get the trash.”

Spock nodded, staggered toward the bed, suddenly covered his mouth, and with a pained cry, threw up all over the coverlet Jim’s mom had sent him.

“Damn.” Jim eyed the half eaten box of chocolate. “This is definitely going in the trash.” He stepped over to it. “After I try one, of course.” He took a bite and closed his eyes. “Oh, my God. No wonder you ate so many.”

“Jim,” Spock moaned, sagging to the floor next to the bed.

“Oh. Um. Yeah. Sorry.” Jim went over to Spock. “Are you going to barf more?”

Spock shook his head.

“Okay, then, um, let’s get you cleaned up. And the bed obviously, too.”

“I am sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“But my declaration—”

Jim smiled. “Was perfect. I’m not a subtle guy, Spock. Patting my ass and calling me baby is the kind of blunt declaration I go for.”

He helped Spock to his feet and started toward the bathroom. “Hang on.” He leaned Spock against the wall and hurried over to the chocolates, popping another into his mouth. “These things are insanely good.”

“I thought you wished to throw them away.”

“Er, yeah. But um, why waste food?” Jim brushed hair out of Spock’s eyes. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“Even with vomit—”

Jim laughed. “Well, not as beautiful.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Mr. Romance. Let’s clean you up.”


	9. The Vulcan Card

“Should I send chocolate to Jo?”

“Huh?” Jim’s steps faltered in the grocery store where he walked beside Bones.

“You know. For Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh. Um. Sure, I guess. Does she like chocolate?”

Bones smirked. “Doesn’t every kid?” He stopped before a display of brightly colored heart shaped boxes. He eyed Jim. “What about you?”

“Me? Since when have we exchanged Valentine’s Day gifts?”

“Not with me, genius. Aren’t you…well whatever…?”

“Involved in a sexual relationship? Yes.”

“So, there’s like no feelings there or anything.”

Jim eyed the glittery boxes with a baleful stale. “None worth these monstrosities.”

“A romantic to the end, our Jim.”

“Well. It’s not, um, you know. Not like that.” He felt himself turning hot and red, probably to match the candy boxes. But really.

“I see.”

“Well, it’s not like we have, you know, conversations and stuff. Candlelight dinners.”

“So, it’s just bend over and take it?" Bones chortled and Jim turned redder. His friend held up his hands. “Kidding. You know what? I just don’t care that much about whatever goes on between you guys.” He made a face. “Maybe chocolate is a bad idea. A toy? Like a doll? Or maybe jewelry.”

“Or maybe a gift card and let her pick out her own gift.”

“That’s no fun. And not much thought into it.”

Jim shrugged.

“I know, look who I’m talking to.”

“You know my family isn’t much into gift giving and celebrations.”

“I know. That would mean you’d actually have to see each other.”

“Exactly. And God knows why we’d want to do that.” Jim picked up a large pink, sequined box. “How about this one?”

“Yeah, that one’s nice. I’ll go with that.”

They walked away from the display.

Bones suddenly grabbed Jim’s arm. “Look who’s here.”

They watched the tall, slender Vulcan enter the story and briefly pause in the doorway as he surveyed the store.

Jim opened his mouth to call out to him but Bones elbowed him in the stomach. He gave Bones a look.

“Let’s see what he does,” Bones whispered, drawing Jim away to the next aisle.

They watched as the Vulcan, Spock, stepped over to the display of heart shaped chocolate boxes. Jim frowned but Bones grinned.

“Isn’t that too sweet?”

“Shut up,” Jim whispered furiously.

Spock chose a big red heart with a ribbon bow and then walked up to the front of the store to the register. He quickly paid and left the store.

“Well?” Bones said.

“Well, er, what?”

“Come on, Jim. You have to get him something now.”

Jim bit his lip. He was so sure Spock wouldn’t be into Valentine’s Day. It was so unlike him. They’d even talked about it before and how stupid it was. It made no sense.

“I can’t get him chocolate, Bones.”

“Get him something else then.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, do I?” Bones laughed suddenly. “Sexy underwear.”

“Sexy…what?”

****

On Valentine’s Day, Jim went to Spock’s apartment. After a particularly vigorous sex session, Spock said he would get them takeout for dinner, and that Jim could take his time getting out of bed and getting dressed.

Jim got up, grabbed his clothes and went to go into the bathroom when he saw the big red heart box Spock had got for him. With a smile, he walked over to it. He’d left the wrapped package of the red silk boxers he’d bought for Spock in his book bag when he’d first got there as it had felt a little weird to give it straight away to him.

His smile widened when he spotted the tag Spock had included.  He flipped over the heart shaped tag.

“To: Nyota, From: Spock.”

Jim dropped the tag and backed away, disappointment coursing through him.

Of course it hadn’t been for him. What had he been thinking, anyway?

Nyota was just a friend.  _That_  much Jim had known. So he knew there wasn’t any grand romantic gesture on Spock’s part in giving her the candy. Likely, his mom had told him to or someone like that.

His disappointment didn’t come from romantic jealousy. But from his own foolishness at thinking he was getting a present. Gifts were for suckers. Jim’s family had taught him that. And expectations were for fools.

He went to his book bag, took out the package and stuffed it into the back of Spock’s sock drawer. Then he texted Spock.

“Oh, hey. Can’t stay for dinner after all. Sorry. I’ll be in touch.”

Jim hit send before he chickened out.

He was on his way out when he spotted a white envelop on the coffee table. He stopped. From where he stood he could see his name in Spock’s ridiculously neat handwriting.

Jim bit his lip, walked over, and picked up the unsealed envelope. Inside was a card.

It was a rather artistic drawing of a Vulcan with a pulsing heart at his side, beating, or the drawing was meant to imply a beating heart anyway. Inside were the words,

**I want you to live long and prosper…with me.**

Just then the door to Spock’s apartment opened and Spock stepped inside holding two bags of takeout. He stared at Jim.

“You are still here. I received your note and—”

Jim rushed over to Spock and threw his arms around the Vulcan, kissing him hard.  Spock seemed startled a moment, but then returned the kiss with equal fervor.

“Bones is right. I am an idiot.”

“I do not understand.”

“I know. But I swear, from now on, I’m going to be better.”

“About what?” Spock asked cautiously.

“About  _everything_.”

“Then…are you staying?”

“I’m staying. And there’s something else.”

“What?”

“I’ve been practicing this. Um.” He leaned in and whispered in Spock’s ear.

Spock’s arms tightened around him.

“Did I say it right?”

“What were you trying to say, Jim?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, I love you, in Vulcan.”

Spock’s lips twitched but his eyes were shining. “I love you as well, however, you did not say Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Jim frowned. “No? What did I say? I got the words from your family and they said—”

“You said that you were mine forever, that you were obedient, that you loved me…”

“Oh.” Jim smiled and nodded. “That’s okay then.”

“And you like to cluck like a chicken.” Spock paused to let Jim laugh.  “Sybok?”

“How did you know?”

Spock shook his head. “An educated guess.”

“We can reheat the food,” Jim said. “I have a present for you in the room. I’m dying to see you wearing it.”

Spock arched a brow, but he hurried after Jim, leaving the food containers on the coffee table as he passed by. 


	10. The Babysitter

“Okay. Did you wash your hands?”

“Yes.”

“Hold them up. Let me see.”

The little dark haired boy with the not quite bowl cut and the pointy ears held up his hands for Jim to inspect.

“Hm. Keep them up. Might as well practice. Do the ta’al so we can surprise your Sa-Mekh with what you learned.”

The boy made a face. He used one tiny hand to move the fingers apart on the other tiny hand.

Jim tried not to laugh. “Better. You’ll get there.” He resisted, barely, ruffling the hair of Surak. Spock had taken a bit of flak for naming his son after the most famous Vulcan, but as was typical Spock, he didn’t pay them much attention.

“Okay. So. Now, your Sa-Mekh left you in my care for the night. Did he tell you that you can have pizza?”

“No.”

Jim nodded. “Did he tell you that you can’t have pizza?”

“No.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s too bad. How can I be a terrible influence then? All right, sit at the table.”

Surak, who was all of four years old, dutifully scurried over to Jim’s dining room table and crawled into a seat. He didn’t need a booster seat anymore but it was a near thing.

Jim went to the kitchen and opened the box for the pizza meant for Surak and took out two slices. He took out two slices of his own pizza too, and went to the table with both.

“Yours has a cauliflower crust and vegan cheese.”

Surak wrinkled his nose. “Yuck.”

Jim laughed. “I’m totally kidding. It’s a regular crust, tomato sauce and regular cheese. You’re vegetarian not vegan.”

Surak picked up a slice and took a bite, chewing happily. He eyed Jim’s piece. “That looks good.”

“Oh it is. But it’s got pepperoni on it and your Sa-Mekh would be very angry with me if I let you have it. He wouldn’t leave you with me anymore.”

Surak agreed with a nod and continued to eat his pizza. He also got sauce all over his little face.

“You’re supposed to eat it not wear it,” Jim admonished, but not too severely. “You want more?”

“No. Maybe for breakfast.”

“Ha, fat chance on that. Your Sa-Mekh wouldn’t let you eat pizza for breakfast.” Jim got up and went into his kitchen for a wet wipe and returned, wiping Surak’s face and hands.  “PJ’s?”

“Please.”

He was so darn cute saying please. Just like a little adult. None of this ‘pease’ other little obnoxious children said.

He took Surak’s hand and walked with him into the bedroom where he’d left the bag that Spock had given him with Surak’s things he was to use for the night. He unzipped it and dug inside, pulling out feety pajamas.

“These are them?” he asked, surprised. They were kind of golden and brown and had a furry looking collar around the throat. “Is it supposed to be a lion?”

Surak said, “Yes. I like lions. Sa-Mekh said we can go look at them at the San Francisco zoo on Saturday. Are you coming?”

“Of course I am.” He removed the boy’s shirt and pants and then helped him into the pajamas, noting the feet were paws. He couldn’t help but smile at the image of Spock picking these out.

With Surak all situated in his absurdly cute lion pajamas, Jim took him back out of the living room.

“Okay, you can watch  _one_  program and then it’s off to bed. I promised your Sa-Mekh you’d be put to bed at a reasonable time.”

“Popcorn.”

“What?”

“You said I could have popcorn.”

“I did? Oh. Yeah. I did. All right.”

“Caramel popcorn,” Surak reminded him.

“Your Sa-Mekh will  _not_  thank me for getting you jacked up on sugar.”

But he led Surak into the kitchen to pop the popcorn and melt the caramel. He then mixed the two, threw it in a bowl and went back to the living room with Surak, both of them curling up on sofa to watch the show Surak had picked out for them to watch.

It was a couple of hours later when Jim sort of blinked awake at the sound of someone accessing the apartment door. Surak stayed completely asleep against him.

Spock walked in, arching that picture perfect brow at him.

“How was he?”

“Completely perfect and adorable, of course.” Jim shifted and Surak woke up, rubbing his eyes as he did so.

“Look, kiddo, here is your Sa-Mekh!”

Surak scrambled up from Jim’s lap and ran to Spock, hugging his legs. “You are earlier than anticipated.”

Spock leaned down and scooped his son up into his arms. “I am. I finished early and could not wait to return to you.”

“And to Daddy!”

Spock met Jim’s gaze over their son. “And to Daddy.”

Jim leaned over and kissed Spock’s lips. “Welcome home.”


	11. The Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock and Jim take Surak to the zoo

It was ten minutes past the time Jim was supposed to meet them, but Spock knew that was hardly unusual. Ever since Admiral Evans had retired, Jim had been taking on far more duties than he probably should. He’d told Spock that he was only going to HQ for an hour or so that Saturday morning, but an hour after he’d left, Jim had messaged him that he would just meet Spock and Surak at the San Francisco Zoo.

“He’s not coming,” Surak said, forlorn.

“He did not message me indicating that.” Spock paused as he surveyed the crowd. “He will be here.”

Spock hoped he was not lying to his son.

And then a moment later, he felt the prickle of Jim nearby just as Surak hopped up and down.

“Daddy’s coming!”

Sure enough, Jim came into view. He’d changed from the admiral’s uniform he’d worn that morning and now wore ripped blue jeans, a gray T-shirt, and a red plaid flannel shirt over that, left unbuttoned. He looked, of course, completely gorgeous.

Surak immediately started to run toward him.

“Surak, no running.”

His son ignored him and reached Jim in seconds. Jim swooped up the boy with a laugh, holding him close.

“Hey there, Tiger.”

“Not a tiger, Daddy. Lion.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. A lion. Hey there, Lion.”’

Jim reached Spock with their son and leaned in to peck Spock on the lips. “Hi, Sweetheart.”

“You are late.”

“I know. Went home to change.” He smiled at Surak. “To make up for it I’ll get you the biggest stuffed animal of your choice.”

“Yay!”

“Jim.”

“Oh, come on, Spock. If I can’t spoil our son, who can I spoil?” His smile widened. “I’ll buy you one too, if you want.” He winked at Spock, who rolled his eyes.

“Sa-Mekh already got the tickets.”

“Of course he did. Your Sa-Mekh is very efficient. Shall we?”

Once inside, he set Surak down so that the boy could walk, though it was more like running, and Spock hoped that meant he would be burning a lot off of his manic energy, something he somehow had gotten from Jim, though they were not biologically related.

“Jim.” They stopped before an enclosure with flamingos.

“Hmm?”

“I have been thinking about a blue-eyed, blond-haired child.”

Jim glanced at him. “I’m sorry?”

“I am speaking of expanding our family. Surak was created through me and a surrogate. I would like to suggest using you and a surrogate for our next child.”

“Our next?”

Spock nodded. “It would please me greatly for that child to resemble you. If you recall, when we first bonded and married, we spoke of filling our home with the love and laughter of children.”

“Uh. Well. Yeah. We did.” Jim watched Surak for a moment and then looked back at Spock. “With the job—”

“We can handle it, Adun.”

“Are you sure? Because the bulk of it will be on you. And you did mention wanting to move more into diplomacy and perhaps ambassadorship, like your dad and the other you.”

“There is time for that, Jim.”

 Jim nodded. “Yeah. I mean, if you think there is. By the time a baby would be born, I’d probably be okay to take some parental leave.”

“I am certain.”

His mate blew out a breath. “Well.”

“Come on, Daddy.” Surak reached for Jim’s hand and tugged him from the flamingos and down a pathway toward the next exhibit. Spock dutifully followed.

For the moment, Spock let Jim just enjoy the day with Surak as their little boy, excitedly dashed from animal to animal. When they reached the lions, Surak grew pensive.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, kiddo?” Jim crouched down next to him.

“Why are they in a cage?”

“Well, the enclosure protects them from us and us from them. It’s not ideal, of course. But see these animals are here because this zoo works for conservation and to preserve them so they don’t become extinct like so many other animals that used to roam the Earth. They study them so they can protect them from being destroy by humans. And maybe when you have children of your own someday, these beautiful animals will still be here on Earth.”

Surak put his little hand on the glass. “I want to help save them.”

“That would be fantastic.”

Surak turned to Jim, putting his hands on Jim’s face. “Up.”

Jim laughed. “Okay, okay.” He stood up and picked up their son, carrying him to the next exhibit.

And later, when they wandered the gift shops so that Surak could choose his animal, a stuffed lion, of course, bigger than the boy himself, Spock thought dryly, as Jim also allowed Surak to pick out one of those giant sugar flavored hard candy on a stick, Jim leaned over and whispered to Spock, “Yes, let’s do it. Let’s have another.”


	12. To Be a Child Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is not quite himself

“Wow, he’s so cute.”

“Nyota.”

“Well.” She giggled. “He is. Look he’s kicking his legs.”

Sure, enough Jim, aged six, sitting on the edge of the biobed in the medbay, swinging his legs back and forth. Spock had the very human urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“This is not amusing, Nyota.”

“Spock, Leonard said it’s temporary. The effects should wear off in a few hours.”

“Or a few days. The Morapai on the planet were not very specific.”

Jim, blue eyes wide and stark in his face, glanced toward them. “Spock.”

“You’d better go to him. Poor baby looks freaked out.”

“He is not the only one.”

Nyota touched his arm. “Spock, it’ll be okay. Jim will go back to normal, and in the meantime, you’ve got this.”

“I have not had much experience with children.”

“Maybe not, but you’re going to be fine. And this is not an ordinary child. This is your husband.”

She pushed him toward little Jim, whose bottom lip had begun to tremble. Spock felt his heart clench.

“Jim, there is no reason to be upset,” he said gently.

“Are you kidding?” the little boy asked. “My feet don’t reach the ground!”

“The doctor says it will be gone in just a short time and you will be yourself again.”

Little Jim’s teeth pulled at his bottom lip. He’d seen Jim do it dozens of times. Now seeing him as a boy tugged at Spock’s heart.

“What if Bones is wrong?” His tiny voice warbled.

Spock had the same thought, of course, but he could not admit this to Jim. “He is not. He spoke to the elders on the planet. You only have to have a little patience.” He paused. “If you wish, I can take you to our quarters to wait, rather than your having to stay here in the medbay.”

“Yeah. Please. You know I hate it here.”

Jim struggled to get down and when Spock saw that he was getting frustrated, he went over to the biobed and lifted Jim off and to the floor.

He went to release the boy’s hand, but Jim tightened his grip and so Spock didn’t try to pull away again.    

Spock was grateful they didn’t run into anyone on their way to the quarters, because he knew Jim would not be happy to have his crew see him like this, and though Spock figured the word had likely spread, it was better not to get the visual confirmation.

Once they were in their quarters, Spock turned to Jim. “Would you like something to eat?”

“I want to take a shower.”

“Very well. But it has been a while since you have eaten, so when you come out, I will replicate you something. Your choice?”

“Spaghetti?”

Spock nodded. “Do you wish for me to assist you, Jim?”

Jim seemed to think about it. “Maybe. I-I don’t think I can reach the shower handle.”

“Go in and get undressed and I will be in there in a moment.”

After Jim went into their bathroom, Spock looked toward his meditation alcove hopefully, but he forced himself to squelch the desire. Right now he needed to support and help his mate, not be concerned for his own needs.

Straightening he went into bathroom.

Jim stood by the shower, eyes watery. He was still fully clothed.

“Ashaya, come here.”

Spock dropped to his knees and held out his arms. Jim ran to him and Spock pulled him close, hugging him tightly. He felt the wetness on Jim’s face and his heart beat hard and painfully in his side.

“I just want to be normal,” Jim said, hiccupping.

Spock closed his eyes. “Shh. Come. Let us get your dinner. You can shower later.”

Spock got Jim spaghetti and then a hot fudge sundae. The boy ate silently, which was quite strange for Spock, because Jim was never silent unless very troubled.

When he was finished, he asked Jim, “Do you still wish to shower?”

Jim shook his head. “Just go to bed. Maybe I’ll wake up myself again.”

When he was in bed and Spock had tucked all the covers around him, Jim stared up at Spock, blue eyes still too watery for Spock’s liking.

“You make me realize one thing,” Spock said.

“What?”

“I want us to have a little boy who looks just like you someday.”

The slightest smile appeared on Jim’s face. “G’night.”

“Good night little one.”

Spock meditated for an hour and then pulled out a Murphy bed from the wall to sleep.

He was awakened early by the sound of the shower running. He glanced at the bed and saw that, sure enough, Jim was up. Spock flopped back down staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the boy to find out what he’d want for breakfast.

Then he sat up. The shower was running. Little Jim had said he couldn’t reach the shower handle. Spock slipped out of bed and to the bathroom door. He opened it and peered in.

“Good morning,” Jim called cheerfully. “You can come in. It’s all right.”

Spock did and sure enough his full grown mate was back, grinning from ear to ear.

Spock smiled in response. He could not help it. A part of him had doubted that Jim would return to himself and Spock was inordinately glad his doubts were for nothing.

“I’ll get your coffee,” Spock told him, then turned back to their room.

He replaced the Murphy bed and got to work.

All was well again.


	13. Poker

“So, um, you want to learn to play poker?”

Spock nodded. “That is what I said.”

Jim bit his lip. Turned away from Spock to pour himself a drink. Red wine tonight. A gift from Bones on his last birthday.

_“Got it on our last shore leave, Jim, been saving it ever since.”_

Spock was in his quarters now. He’d come to play chess, which they’d started to do once a week after the newly built Enterprise had begun its voyage after the whole Krall mess.

They’d kept it pretty casual, at first. They’d started in the rec room playing just one game each week. Though Spock won most of them, Jim had a few good days in there, too.

It moved to their quarters when Jim was running late one week and contacted Spock to say he would be later still. Spock had suggested he would just bring the chess set there. Jim had hid his surprise and agreed.

The next week, Spock had suggested playing chess in his quarters, and ever since they’d alternated between Jim’s and Spock’s. Never returning to the rec room. And they generally played several games now.

“Well, I think it was Bones who said he’d like to teach you,” Jim said, taking a sip.

There had been talk of poker when they’d been confronted by a hostile alien, or so they’d thought at the time. Balok. Jim had bluffed and suddenly Spock became interested in poker.

“You do not wish to teach me?”

There was just the hint of a tone in Spock’s voice that Jim could not quite place, but he knew it made him feel bad. “No, no. Not at all, Spock. You want to learn, that’s fine. Um, generally, it’s more than a couple of players though.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. So, you want me to find out if anyone else is available to play with us?”

Which honestly, Jim was not at all keen on the intrusion into his private time with Spock, and he feared it would quickly become a thing where everyone played every week, and there would go any alone time he had managed to obtain with Spock, which he’d won with a lot of effort, but, if Spock wanted him to get a group going for poker, Jim would do it.

“Is that the norm for strip poker?”

Jim stumbled forward, spilling wine on the floor. “What? Did you say…strip poker?”

“I have been doing some research prior to broaching the subject with you, of course.”

“Of course you have.” Jim went over to the bathroom for a cloth to wipe up the spilled wine. He bent down and cleaned up the mess. “I don’t think that’s a really good idea. Sit down, Spock.”

Spock took his seat dutifully. Jim had already set up the chess set, but as Jim sat across from Spock, it remained untouched.

“There are a series of hands that beat other hands.”

“Indeed, I researched those.”

“Good. That gives us a head start. Basically, poker is a lot of bluffing.”

“As you did with Balok.”

“Right. So, with the hand you’re dealt, unless you get a royal flush dealt to you, which believe me, doesn’t really happen, you’re usually going to want to convince those playing with you that you have a better hand than you do. If I have two queens and you have a full house, that beats me. But I want you to think I have something more than you do so you’ll fold. Or basically, give in.”

“I see.”

“Which is what I did with Balok. I wanted him to think we had a better weapon than he did, so he would fold. But he could just have easily called my bluff. Which is why in poker, you call.”

“So it is a means of lying.”

“Pretty much. Unless you really do have a royal flush, then you aren’t lying.”

Spock inclined his head. “I am certain that I would have no trouble knowing that you were lying.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah? Why do you think that, Mister Spock?”

“I know when you lie, I can tell. So I cannot be fooled by your bluff. We have known each other long enough for me to read you quite well, Captain.”

“That’s it! You’re putting your money where your mouth is.”

Sometime later…

“You won.”

Jim grinned. “Yep. Four queens.”

“But…”

“You only have a full house, Spock.”

“Yes, I know that your hand beats mine. It is simply that your behavior during the match—”

“Game, Spock.”

“As well as your body language indicated that you had a much lower hand than you were pretending to have and yet…”

“Yep. So you don’t know me as well as you thought, Spock. Not my lies anyway.” Jim leaned back. “I think you should remove your pants.”

Spock’s cheeks greened. “Captain.”

He burst out laughing. “I’m totally kidding. I know we weren’t playing strip poker, babe.”

Spock stared at him. “ _Babe_?”

“I didn’t say babe,” Jim said quickly. “I said Spock.”

“No. I heard babe.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mister Spock.” Jim stood. “Will you look at the time? I’m going to have to cut this short. I have about three hundred reports to do.”

Spock stood too. “Three hundred, Captain?”

“Three hundred and two. I forgot a couple.” Jim ushered Spock to his door. “As amusing as this was, next week, back to chess?”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Jim smiled, patted Spock’s arm. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight…babe.”

The door of his quarters opened and Spock disappeared through it.

Jim stared after him. Shook his head. Too much wine going to his head. He laughed and turned away.   

 


	14. Three Days Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim sleeps alone for three nights.

“How many days have you slept alone?”

Jim scowled at his friend. “This is the third day…night.”

Bones sighed. “You gonna apologize?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Course not.” Bones took a sip of his beer. “Still going to?”

“No!” Jim frowned. “I…don’t know where he is. Or-or anything.”

“What? He hasn’t been in touch for three days? That doesn’t seem like him.”

He shrugged. “Had a bad fight.”

Bones finished his beer and stood. “You contact —”

“No.”

“Want me to stay?” Bones asked, gently. “Or you want to come with me?”

“Nah.” Jim forced a smile. “Gonna do some studying and go to bed. See you tomorrow?”

When Bones left, Jim went for another bottle of beer, and then another. By the time he had stumbled to bed he hadn’t done any studying or even changed his clothes.

He woke in the middle of the night to a thud. He sat up, heart pounding. Was someone breaking in to the apartment? Shit. Jim tried to scramble out of bed, but tripped on the tangle of blankets and sheets and fell flat on his face.

“Fuck! Ouch. Damn. That hurt.” He lifted himself up to his elbows and saw Spock standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Are you breaking in?”

Spock arched a brow. “I live here.”

“What was that noise then?”

“I accidentally kicked the book bag you left by the door.”

“Oh.” Jim bit his lip and sunk back down to the floor in defeat. “Come to move your stuff out, huh?”

Spock sighed which had Jim lifting up to look at him again.

“Negative. But if you will recall the fight started because you left your book bag, grocery purchases, laundry, and—”

“Yeah, okay,” Jim mumbled. “I know. I’m a lazy slob.”

Spock stepped into the room and reached down to pull Jim to his feet. “You were drinking.”

“Bones was over and…yeah. I was.” Jim leaned against Spock. “Are you really back?”

“Are you apologizing?”

Jim waited a beat. “Yeah. Are you?”

“Affirmative.”

Jim drew back to look at Spock. Or at least as much as he could with Spock holding him pretty tight. “You are?”

Spock nodded. “Will you take me back?”

“I hate when we fight.”

“Me too.” Spock wrinkled his nose. “Let’s get you cleaned up. When did you last shower?”

“Uh…I don’t know?”

“Come. I will take care of you.”

Jim smiled and kissed Spock’s cheek. “You always do.”

“And I always will.”   


	15. The Tribble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirror Spock gains a pet

Jim came into their quarters to see Spock standing near their bed dressed in the flowing robes he generally preferred when not on duty.

Jim narrowed his eyes. “What are you up to?”

“I am obviously up to nothing, Captain.” Spock tried his best innocent Vulcan look.

Jim snorted. “Uh-huh.”

“What would you like to eat?”

He shook his head and pulled his gold crisscrossed shirt over his head. “Shower first.” He unhooked the sash that held his dagger and phaser from around his waist. “I’m dead tired and sore all over.”

He sat on the chair next to his desk to remove his boots all the while the Vulcan continued to watch him, a neutral expression on his face.

Jim sighed.

“Do you require a massage?”

“Later for that too.”

“Or…something else, perhaps?”

He snorted again. “Later.” Jim stood and unzipped his pants, shimmying out of them, turning his ass toward Spock to give him a show. When he turned back around he saw Spock’s hands flexing.

“Later.”

“If you insist on going commando—”

“Did I give you permission to speak?”

“No, Captain.”

Jim chuckled. “You’re so easy.”

Spock arched a brow. “I am not the one is easy.”

He smirked. “You complaining?”

“About the ease with which you give yourself to me? Hardly.”

Spock took a step forward.

Jim held up his hand. “Later. And do behave or it’ll be someone else I give myself to easily.”

Spock growled.

Jim just laughed and went into the bathroom for his shower. He turned it to water and stayed under the hot stream for long enough to jerk himself off twice. Damn Vulcan deserved it to take him forever to come later.

When he came back into their quarters in only his bathroom, Spock jumped.

“Adun, you-you—”

“What is it this time? Spock. I  _knew_  you were up to something.”

Spock withdrew a big ball of fluff from within his robes. It snapped its teeth at Jim.

“A  _tribble_?”

“It is very soft,” Spock said defensively. “And it purrs because it likes me.”

Jim did that himself so he could hardly protest. “Look at those teeth.”

“He is tame, my love.”

“Sure, sure. A tame tribble. You and your pets, Spock. The last one ate all my chips and bit me.”

Spock nodded. “And he was eliminated for it. Clearly that type of creature does not do well in captivity.”

“And tribbles do?”

“Yes, Adun. He will not bite you. I promise.” Spock set the tribble down on the bed. “What do you wish to eat, my worshipped one?”

“You must be horny, you’re laying it on pretty thick. A turkey leg.”

Spock nodded and went to the synthesizer.

Jim eyed the tribble dispassionately. “What are you naming it?”

“I believe the tribble is female.”

He rolled his eyes. Spock handed him the big roasted turkey leg. He took a bite. “Fine. What are you naming  _her_?”

“Portia.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake.” Jim went over to his chair and sat, hiking his leg up onto the desk so that his robe fell open, exposing his already hardening cock to Spock’s gaze. “She’s not going to watch, is she?”

“Of course not.” Spock began to rub the bulge in his crotch.

“No? Because she’s on the bed, chomping those evil teeth of hers staring at me and my leg. The turkey one that is.”

“I will cover her with the sheet.”

Spock’s gaze grew hotter as he approached where Jim sat. His hand slid up Jim’s leg.

The tribble chortled.

“ _Spock_.”

The Vulcan sighed, turned and scooped up his pet. He walked over to the laundry chute, opened it up, and tossed her in. “Satisfied, Captain?”

He took another bite of turkey leg and smiled. “Not yet. But I’d better be.”


	16. That Which Survives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has no control

Spock packed up all his belongings for the day, shoving them into the large business briefcase bag he carried with him daily from home to the Academy. It had been a long, tedious day, full of uninspiring students who barely paid attention.

Perhaps teaching again had not been the wisest decision. He had no patience for it and the sniveling giggling students he had to deal with.

He made it out of the building and looked up at the darkening sky. A storm was coming. He hoped he made it home before it drenched him.

For a moment he felt eager to get home, eager to end this day, and find the comfort of the apartment, a fire in the hearth, a steaming pot of tea and—

His steps faltered.

There was no one to go home to. No one who waited there to greet him with welcoming arms. The apartment would be empty, quiet and cold. No one would start the fire in the fireplace unless it was him.

No longer eager to reach his apartment, Spock stopped at a vegetarian restaurant and had a small meal and a pot of tea.

The rain had started by the time he resumed his way home and becoming miserably wet seemed appropriate.

As he approached his apartment door, his steps faltered again. There was a flutter in his side just before a warm buzz in his brain.

Spock gasped and quickly put his hand up to the door sensor.

The door popped open and he was immediately hit with the scent of Pasta Primavera. A lump rose to his throat as he stumbled forward.

“J-Jim?”

Jim turned from his position in the kitchen next to the stove. He smiled bright and beautiful, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Oh, hey. There you are!”

“I…I…”

The bright smile slipped from Jim’s face. “Spock?”

He felt his eyes fill with tears. “I-I did not know and I have-I stopped at Laru’s for a meal and I-I have ruined—”

“What?” Jim turned off the fire on the stove. “No. Honey, no. It’ll keep. Baby.”

Jim came to him and embraced him, and Spock clung to him, like he was life. He supposed, for him, Jim always would be.   

“You were not supposed to return for six months.”

“I know. But, well, it was a surprise.” He cradled Spock’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Spock let out a sob and returned the kiss. “I am sorry I ruined it.”

“You didn’t, all right? Nothing is ruined.” He wiped Spock’s tears, Spock’s shame. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“I have missed you…terribly.”

Jim’s smile was sweet and gentle. “It’s going to take a while, Spock. To get your Vulcan side back. The human side is just out more right now. They said it might take up to a year.”

Spock nodded, holding Jim tight. “I do not like it.”

His husband laughed, but it was a warm and beautiful laugh. “I know, baby. I’m pretty okay with you as you normally are too.”

Spock looked at him doubtfully. “You will not be unhappy when my logical side takes over once more?”

“Are you kidding? I fell in love with Vulcan you.”

Spock frowned. “Then you do not love the human side of me?”

“The human side, the Vulcan side, Spock…I love my Spock.”

Spock pulled him close. “I would die for you.”

“Nobody’s dying, so cut that out.”

“How is it you are here? The Enterprise—”

“Is docked. There’s been some damage and she needs repairs. Long story. Which can definitely wait for later.” Jim took hold of Spock’s hands and squeezed them in his. “You’re cold and wet. I’ll start a fire, we’ll lie before it, and we can make love all night long.”

“You are truly here?” Spock swallowed. “This is not some illusion I have created?”

Jim looked into his eyes, his blue eyes bright as the sun. He took Spock’s hand and placed it over his beating heart. “Does that feel like an illusion?”

“No. But…I have fantasized us being together for so long that I…it is hard to trust this. Any of it.”

“It’s real, babe. I am.” Jim went to pull away and Spock clutched at him. “Spock—”

Spock shook his head. “If you disappear again, I’ll die.”

“I won’t, Spock. I’m here. With you. At least until the repairs are done. Longer if you want me to take a leave to stay with you until you’re better. Whatever you want, honey.”

Spock bowed his head. “I am ashamed. If my father could see me…even my mother would find me pathetic.”

“No. No. Your father knows. About all of it. And your mother? She would always be proud of you. You showed me her, remember?”

“Yes,” Spock whispered. “Just the same, I will go with you to start the fireplace.”

“Okay.”

He gripped Jim’s hand as tight as he could and though it prevented Jim from being quite as efficient as usual starting a fire in the apartment’s fireplace, Spock cared not.

And when they lay before it, Spock kept his gaze glued to his husband, and determined he would not fall asleep. If he did, he might wake up to find Jim gone. Again.


	17. When the Mission Has Ended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission that went very bad

Jim wasn’t sure really, whether he should even mention it. In fact he was pretty sure he shouldn’t. He was wiped out, tired and sore, dejected, maybe, from getting his ass kicked, from losing two good crewmembers down on the surface of the planet. And they had families and lives separate from service to Starfleet, and one of the tasks Jim would have would be to write those families. He never knew what to say.

Spock looked wrecked too.

They’d been checked out by Bones, both of them, and they were fine, also, both of them. A few minor bruises and sore muscles. They’d refused further treatment and Bones hadn’t even yelled at them for it. Proof that his friend was feeling pretty crappy about everything too.

And why wouldn’t he? One of those dead was a medic from his own department. Jim saw the wateriness in Bones’ eyes before he tried to hide it.

So Jim stumbled a little as he stopped outside the door of Spock’s quarters, which came up first. Spock stopped too, because, of course, they had reached his rooms.

Jim turned to face his first officer, the words torn between being stuck in his throat and on the tip of his tongue.

“Spock, I…”

“Captain?”

“I dreamed of us last night,” he blurted out, before he could lose his nerve.

And he was greeted with that annoying head tilt and that blank expression that had made him want to rip those bangs off his forehead more than once.

“Doing what?”

_Yeah, Kirk, doing what?_

And just what was he going to say? Kissing and tearing each other’s clothes off? Breathing for each other?

“Nothing, Spock,” Jim replied.

“I do not understand.”

He forced a smile, tired and maybe sad, but a smile. “Never mind. It was just a dream. It’s nothing.”

Spock turned toward the door, stopped, turned back and looked at him. “Captain…”

“Yeah?”

“You did everything you could. No one could have done more. And the crew—”

“Yeah.” Jim nodded.

Spock returned the nod. “Goodnight, Jim.”

“Goodnight.”

“I hope you sleep well.” Spock turned then and went into his quarters and Jim continued onto his, alone.

He entered his dark, empty quarters without any enthusiasm.

“Lights fifty percent.”

They came on instantly and even at fifty it seemed far too bright for his tired eyes.

“Dim lights to twenty-five percent.”

He stood in the middle of his quarters for a while, probably no more than minutes though, before finally deciding he could stand with a shower. His clothes were soiled with…with…

The door chimed and before he even thought about answering it, the door opened, and Spock stepped inside. He still wore his own soiled and messy uniform, and his eyes looked wider in his paler face than usual.

Jim stared at him, recognizing that his eyes were pooled with tears, but unable to do much about them.

“I promised his mother.”

“Captain?”

He blinked, dislodging a few tears with his lashes, feeling them wet his cheeks. “Ensign Styles. We…she was there, you know, when we picked him up when the Enterprise was ready to go out again. She told me to take care of him, make sure he returned safe.” Jim lowered his gaze to the floor. “I didn’t do that.”

“Jim.”

Spock was there in a second, less than, maybe, and he had his hands on Jim’s arms, on his forearms, holding him in place, but not tight, with complete and utter gentleness. He raised his gaze to Spock’s and what he saw there mirrored his own thoughts and feelings, somehow.

“Styles was not your fault and both he and his mother understood Starfleet service. There was nothing you could have done to save him from what occurred except perhaps leave him off the landing party and he desperately wanted to be on it.”

“I know, but I—”

Spock simply shook his head. His thumb came up to brush a tear off Jim’s cheek. “What did you dream of?”

“About us?”

“Yes.”

“It was stupid, really. And the only reason it really stands out was because it wasn’t a bad dream. A nightmare, you know? Which is what I have all the time. Not all the time, but—”

“Jim.” Spock shook him, but again, with extreme gentleness.

“It was you and me, just dancing, at a cotillion. Do you know what those are?”

Spock nodded.

“All dressed in old-fashioned clothes like you’d wear to one, I guess, and you were leading. I think I tried to, but you took over, whatever.” Jim smiled a little. “Then you moved us off the dance floor to the balcony outside and then we—”

“We?” Spock prompted.

Jim briefly closed his eyes, squeezing out a few more teardrops. He smiled again and opened his eyes. He put his hand up to Spock’s face. “We kissed. And kissed. It was…the best kisses of my life and it was all a damn dream, Spock. Then we started to remove our clothes, right there on the balcony, and then-then I woke up. And we went on the mission.”

“I see.”

Jim pushed away then, out of his hold, putting distance between them. “And now? I’m just dog-tired. Wiped out emotionally.” He shook his head, then frowned. “Was there something you wanted?”

Spock nodded. “Yes.”

“What?”

“You. To tell you that…I’m here for you. That I made a mistake walking away out in the corridor. But I won’t walk away like that. Not again.”

Jim swallowed and took a step closer. “I really need a hug.”

And he was even a little surprised when Spock stepped closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling Jim against him. It was kind of too snug and even kind of awkward. But it was the best damn hug he had ever felt. He closed his eyes and leaned into Spock.

“Thanks.”

“You are welcome, Jim.”

 


	18. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Spock and Cadet Kirk share an ice cream cone

“It’s such a gorgeous day,” Jim commented as they stepped out of the ice cream shop and headed toward the water’s edge. He smiled at his companion. “Okay, you taste first.

Spock’s eyebrow shot up. “Isn’t sharing an ice cream cone rather unsanitary?”

“Says the guy whose tongue was in my—”

“ _Jim_.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “The point of us each choosing a scoop flavor was to share it. That’s what couples do, Spock.”

Spock looked like he either disputed them being a couple or that they should share it. Jim decided it had to be the sharing part.

He thrust it at Spock. “Hurry up or it’s going to melt.”

Dutifully, Spock leaned in and tried a bite of the flavor Jim had chosen, strawberry cheesecake. It had real chunks of cheesecake.

Spock’s eyes lit up with pleasure. “That is…delicious.”

Jim grinned. “Told you. Now try the flavor you chose.”

Spock had chosen a flavor called peach melba. Jim watched his tongue dart out as he took a bite. It made his grin widen.

“Well?”

Spock’s lips curved. “Good. Really good. You need to try, ashaya.”

Spock had started calling him that about a week or so ago. Jim had gone up to Uhura after class one day to find out what it meant. She looked like she wanted to pop a vein, but she’d told him it meant beloved or loved.

Jim tried the peach melba first as he’d had the strawberry cheesecake one before. “Oh, God. That’s amazing. Mm.”

Spock’s eyes widened slightly. “This sort of behavior would be quite unacceptable on Vulcan.”

Jim smiled as he swiped his tongue across the other flavor. “Yeah?”

“Far too much intimacy in public.”

He chuckled. “I like the way you say that word.”

“Which?”

“ _Intimacy_. Like it’s dirty or something.”

“The way your mouth and tongue move while eating the ice cream is rather dirty,” Spock commented as he leaned in to have more himself.

“Okay, so no ice cream eating if I go to Vulcan.”

“I very much desire for you to go,” Spock murmured. “My parents will be eager to meet you.”

“Have you told them about me? About us?” Ice cream had melted down to drip down over Spock’s hand holding onto the ice cream cone. Gaze focused on Spock’s face, Jim licked it off his long fingers.

“I…that…”

“You liked that?”

Spock nodded. Swallowed.

“Just trying to keep the sticky ice cream off you, babe.”

Spock glanced away. “I have…mentioned that I was seeing someone. A-a Human.”

“And your dad blew a gasket?”

Spock looked back at Jim. “My mother is Human.”

“I know. But still.” He shrugged.

“They did not voice such an objection,” Spock assured Jim. “My father has a fondness for Humans. To a certain extent. They did ask that if it became serious to let them know.”

“And…has it?” Jim stepped closer though really there wasn’t much space separating them anyway.

“Indubitably.”

“I love it when you use words like that.” Jim looked down at the ice cream cone, noting that all that was left was the sugar cone. “Want that?”

“No,” Spock replied without looking away from Jim’s eyes. “In fact, alas, I must depart. I have a class to teach in…”

“Ten minutes,” Jim replied, smirking.

“Yes. I am going to be late.”

“I’m a terrible influence I know.” Jim kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth, then stepped back. He admired Spock in his black instructor clothes. And that he hadn’t managed to spill anything. Jim couldn’t say that as he had a big drip across the sweatshirt he wore. “I’ll see you tonight, Professor.”

“You most definitely will, Cadet.”

Jim watched Spock hurry along the street toward campus as he chomped down on the sugar cone. He was sticky with melted ice cream and would need a shower. But yeah, a gorgeous day.


	19. The Medbay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is injured

The minute Jim stepped into the medbay, Bones seemed to be ready for him. He came forward immediately, took one look at Jim’s exposed shoulder, his shirt had ripped during the battle on the planet, and jammed a hypospray into it. The relief from the burning pain in his shoulder was enough that Jim didn’t even bother protesting Bones’ manhandling.

“Bones?”

“He’s stable. Bed four. You can go see him.”

He started to turn in that direction.

“Jim.”

He looked over his shoulder.

“Uhura’s with him.”

Jim stopped in his tracks. Turned back toward Bones. Nodded. “I’ll see him later then. Don’t want to interrupt anything.”

Bones smiled, and Jim detected the sympathy behind it. “Sure. Anyway, he’ll make a full recovery, so no need to be concerned.”

“Great. Thanks, Bones. That’s good news.” Jim smiled faintly and shook his head. “This was not the way I expected the day to go when I woke up.”

“None of us did.”

He turned to leave the medbay.

“Jim. Maybe you should tell him.”

“Nah.” He shrugged. “They’ll probably get back together.”

“Don’t think so.”

“Injuries do that. Look what happened after Altamid. See you later.”

The doors swooshed open and Jim headed down the corridor to the turbolift.

“Captain! Captain, wait.”

He stopped the turbolift door from closing as Uhura ran up to him. Her pony tail was still swinging.

“I couldn’t help but overhear what was being said between you and Leonard. He’s right. You should tell Spock.”

“What?” He started to shake his head.

“Trust me. He wants to know.” She pushed him out of the turbolift and let it close in his face.

Jim headed back to the medbay and to bed 4.

Spock’s eyes opened at his approach. He looked even paler than normal.

“Captain,” he said softly. “The doctor said you had left.”

Jim smiled and reached for Spock’s hand, which closed around his. “I’m not going anywhere.”     


	20. Christmas in July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phenomenon of Christmas in July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> [](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D2nCgsTvDJI/XTpkKclH4dI/AAAAAAAACso/GjC028y3g7QhA8bE-N1qyvf3XUaDhbvjACLcBGAs/s1600/peppermint.png)  
>    
> 
> 
>   
> 

“Okay, seriously. What the hell is Christmas in July and why should I care about it?”

Jim Kirk eyed his grumpy-assed friend, Leonard McCoy. They were standing in the entry-way of Starfleet Academy’s cafeteria. The entire eating area had been turned into a themed decorated place, Christmas in July, as it announced on banners everywhere.

Jim shrugged. “It’s a thing, I guess.”

Bones looked at him, his face pinched. “It’s not a thing.”

“It is. They have sales and people watch romantic Christmas movies and—”

“Spare me. You didn’t have anything to do with all this, did you?”

“No, of course not.”

“Surprised they allowed it. There’s Janice. I’m going over there. You coming?”

Jim’s gaze swept over the cafeteria and landed exactly on whom he had been seeking. “No.”

Bones followed his gaze. “You don’t stand a chance, Romeo.”

He sauntered off and Jim drummed up the courage to go past the hanging holly, snowflakes, and tinsel hanging from everywhere.

There in the very far corner, as far away from the decorations as could be, sat the object of Jim’s fascination.

Jim sat across from him. “Good morning.”

Very slowly, the professor’s gaze rose. “Cadet.”

Jim tried to play it cool. “After last night, I thought we’d be on a first name basis.”

“Do keep your voice down.”

“There’s no one near us. You couldn’t have picked a more isolated spot.”

The Vulcan professor, Spock, nodded. “I was attempting to keep myself as far away from the festivities as possible.”

“Don’t like Christmas?”

“I have no particular feelings regarding Christmas.”

“In July perhaps?”

“It is not logical. Earlier they were passing out peppermint mochas.”

Jim smiled. “Did you try one?”

“I did not,” Spock said stiffly. “They were hot.”

“Er yeah. Maybe later I can secure some peppermint ice cream or something.” Jim moistened his lips. “Want to come over and watch romantic Christmas movies with me? There’s one on called A Rocky Mountain Christmas.”

“If I spend the evening with you, we will engage in intimacy.”

His smile widened. “That’s the idea.”

“Cadet.” Spock paused. “I am uncertain we should continue our assignations.”

“But you want to.”

He nodded. “Indeed.”

“There’s no reason to stop. I’m not your student, and really you’re a commander who programs the complicated tests we take, you’re not an ordinary professor.” He stroked his fingers across Spock’s. “There’s nothing ordinary about you.”

Dark eyes met his. “Nor you.”

Jim turned Spock’s palm over and traced the lines there. He kept his gaze on Spock. “Coming over?”

“I will be there.” Spock switched his gaze back to the decorated cafeteria. “I believe you have a class.”

Jim chuckled. “I do.”

“Go out the south door. You will avoid Cadet Rimley who is waiting by the North door with mistletoe for you.”

Jim squeezed Spock’s hand before releasing it. “Will do. See you tonight.”

“Indeed.”

Jim was aware of Spock’s gaze on him as he brushed past hanging ornaments and packages, and when he made it to the south exit, he turned back to see Rimley looking pissed. Jim laughed again and went to class.

A merry Christmas in July indeed.   


	21. Fan Fiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim discovers fanfiction written about him and Spock

“What are you doing, Captain?”

Jim jumped what surely was ten feet in the air. “Spock! Shit! You scared the crap out of me.”

Spock frowned at Jim, who was sitting tucked away way in the corner on a couch in the mostly empty recreation room. “Why would you be frightened?”

“Well. Not  _scared_. I know you aren’t going to strangle me or anything. Not this time.” He winked and was pleased when Spock’s cheeks turned green. He then looked guiltily down at his PADD. “Um. I-I was reading.”

“Reports? If you are behind, I can assist you.”

“No. No. Not reports. Something…something else.”

There went the head tilt. “You read ‘real books’ as you call them when you read for pleasure. Is there some troublesome matter at home that you received a message?”

“No.” Jim put the PADD face down on the table, feeling very embarrassed and definitely flustered and frankly a bit turned on. “Stuff online.”

“Online.”

“There’s this site where, um, people write things.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “There’s-there’s a section about us.”

“The Enterprise?”

He traced his lips with his tongue. “No. Us. You and me.”

Spock stared. Suddenly he reached for Jim’s PADD before Jim could stop him. Spock glanced at the screen. Then at Jim, then back at the screen.

“I am not even certain that is possible.”

“Well.”

Spock shook his head. “And I certainly do not have…” He stopped and looked reproachfully at Jim. “Which, of course, you know.”

Jim shrugged guiltily. “I know. But, well, it, they, it’s kind of fascinating.”

“Fascinating.”

“And hot.”

“But, Jim, they have invented parts of me that I simply do not—”

“I know.” Jim grinned. “Believe me I know.”

Spock gave him another look. “They do seem to have your character down correctly.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “How so?”

“The begging, the whimpering, and the—”

Jim snatched his PADD back. “Okay. Enough of that. It’s time to quit and go to bed.”

Spock took the PADD back, swiped his finger over the screen, and then handed it back to Jim, who noticed the page had disappeared, and it was back to his Starfleet homepage. “That is enough of that.”

“Spoilsport.”

“If you want to know about the ways we ‘get it on’, you will only have to wait ten minutes until we reach our quarters.”

Jim grinned. “I know.” They fell into step beside each other. “I  _don’t_  beg.”

Spock arched a brow.

“Much.”


	22. In Retirement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones meets with Jim in a restaurant

It felt good to be waiting to meet with Jim, Leonard thought, as he waited in his seat at the restaurant he’d arranged to meet Jim in while Leonard was briefly in San Francisco.

He hadn’t seen Jim since the last time he’d been there, a year ago, when Leonard had left Starfleet to return to Georgia to set up private practice and finally stay grounded on Earth, where he could attempt to have a relationship with his daughter.

But he’d come to San Francisco to pick up some medical equipment he needed in person, and honestly, it had made for the perfect excuse to catch up with Jim.

Just then the door to the restaurant flew open and Jim breezed in, literally, as it was quite windy outside, and his friend came in with a gust.

Jim was laughing, his face lit up by a smile, which was great to see, honestly.

Leonard stood and motioned him over, pulling Jim into a tight hug. “God, it’s great to see you.”

“And you.”

“Sit.” Leonard gestured. “Wow, you look—”

“Fat? Ugly?” Jim joked.

“Gorgeous, actually.”

And it was true. Jim looked well rested, tanned, his blue eyes sparkling. He wore a burgundy long-sleeved T-shirt that seemed molded to him, and his slacks, black dress ones, looked pressed and expensive.

Jim laughed again, and Leonard was struck how he seemed…happy. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me.”

“You do know better,” Leonard said, dryly. “I took the liberty of ordering us a bottle of wine. Should be here any time.”

“Fantastic. And speaking of, you look pretty good yourself. Leaving Starfleet agrees with you.”

“Are the rumors true?”

“True?”

At the moment the wine sommelier arrived with their bottle and for the next five minutes they were occupied with tasting and then pouring glasses for each of them.

“Back to rumors,” Leonard said. “I’ve heard through sources that they’re finally going to make you a full admiral,  _Commodore_.”

“Oh that.”

He snorted. “You say that like it’s nothing. You’re a big deal, Jim.”

“If you say so. And yeah, I guess they are true. I’m torn. Part of me wishes I could go up again, command of a ship—”

“Ten years wasn’t enough?”

“Oh, hardly. Anyway, I guess they want old men like me to be in charge of the brash young ones.”

“Which you were at one time.”

Jim sipped his wine. “Mm. Great choice.”

“Glad you approve. Still in that apartment?”

“Sure am.”

“Big place for just you.” Leonard shook his head.

“It’s not that big and who says it’s just me?”

Leonard lowered his glass to the table. “Damn! You’re with someone?”

Jim blushed. “Well.”

“No wonder you look so damn happy!” Leonard grinned and slapped the table. “That is good news. Great news in fact. I never thought you’d settle down, Jimmy boy. When did this happen?”

“Well.”

“Is that all you can say? Within the last year, I’d guess.”

Jim shifted. “Little longer.”

Leonard frowned. “You were with her when I saw you last year?”

Jim grimaced.

“ _Longer_?”

Jim nodded.

“But…wait. You were together on the Enterprise?”

“Yeah.”

“How in the world were you with someone on the Enterprise and I didn’t know?”

Jim was bright red. “We kept it a secret, Bones. For, um, for a while, actually.”

“How long?” Leonard asked, dumbfounded.

“Last three years of the mission.”

“Plus this whole last year?”

Jim nodded.

Leonard felt hurt. He supposed he didn’t have a right, but…he did. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Was she an ensign?”

“No. God. No. Nothing like that. For a long time, we just, it was so weird for us, everything, and I wasn’t even sure if I could get it right, Bones. And then we did and it was so private and intimate between us that for a long time neither of us wanted to spoil it.”

“Okay. Okay. Maybe. I get that. But what about the last year?”

Jim winced. “Well. Um. Actually, Bones, who I’m with, well, I included them for dinner. And uh—”

The door opened to the restaurant and Leonard turned around to look. Standing there, looking windswept, was Spock.

For a moment, Leonard’s brain didn’t catch up, and he wondered what Spock was doing there, and what a coincidence that he would be at the same restaurant he and Jim met at, but then Spock looked in their direction and walked toward them.

And it all made a strange sort of sense that he didn’t even think about before, but now, it was all he could think of. Yes. Of course. Spock. “Bones,” Jim said with a smile as he took Spock’s hand. “Spock is my husband.”     


	23. Needs of the One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock needs comforting

Spock did not like to impose on his captain, normally. If Jim had merely invited him to his quarters and to his bed, as was usual, Spock would have gone very willingly. Eagerly, in fact, for he had  no desire to spend the night alone in his cold bed without his heater beside him.

And tonight of all nights…

The mission had gone so terribly wrong. It was a miracle both he and Jim were physically unscathed. But they were both exhausted and emotionally, as Jim would say, fried.

And yet…there had been no invitation from Jim. He’d just said goodnight and gone to his quarters.

Spock stared at him empty cold bed and made a decision he hoped he did not regret.

He picked up his sleeping robe and walked out of his quarters and went next door to Jim’s. On the prior Enterprise their bathroom had been shared, but that was an old design, and when they were forced to rebuild the ship after Altamid, they’d all gotten their own bathrooms. Jim’s and Spock’s being the largest floor plan.

“Enter.”

Spock stepped inside  as the door slid open, then remained by it, as he held his robe staring at his captain, who already lay in bed. Jim was dressed in a tight fitting T’shirt, molded to his muscles, and Spock suspected, his usual cotton pajama bottoms with the stars dotted on them.

“I…”

“Yeah?” Jim was leaning up against the pillows that propped him up. He had a book in his hand.

And now Spock felt foolish. It was obvious Jim had not wanted him there. Why hadn’t he gotten that?

Jim’s gaze went to the robe clutched in his hands as Spock remained silent. “Spock, what is it? Are you all right?”

“I…wanted to…may I stay with you tonight?” He felt that his face was flushed and knew that he must be a very dark shade of green. But this was not his element. Nyota had never made it this hard. Everything was difficult with Jim. Watching Jim breathe was.

Without a word, Jim picked up the corner of the blanket and sheet, holding it aloft.

Spock swallowed. “I understand if you do not—”

“Just…get in.”

“If you would rather—”

“Spock.” Up until that moment Jim had sounded almost harsh, but just then his tone and his voice had softened considerably. “Put on your robe and get into bed. It’s okay.”

Spock nodded, undressed and redressed quickly, and then slid into bed next to his captain, who had now put aside his book to watch Spock’s every move.

“If I have overstepped—”

Jim held out his fingers toward Spock who was suddenly filled with such relief, he was shaking, as he touched his fingers to Jim’s.

“You can’t, okay? You can’t overstep. And I’m glad you’re here.” His mouth thinned. “What a craptastic day. Yeah?”

“Beyond imagining.”

‘I’m sorry. I should have…I really wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to get in bed and have the day all over.”

“And me as well. But I needed…”

Jim smiled then, soft and sweet. “I know. It’s all right. I don’t mind. Lie down and come here.”

They both lay flat on the bed and then Spock scooted closer, wrapping himself around his captain. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“Computer,” Jim called. “Lights off.”


End file.
